that means i have been here shhhsing this baby and singing the ‘zodiac’ song over and over again for 28 minutes.
she does settle every so often and when she does, i hold my breath, wait until a car or bus or preferably a long line of trucks goes by and then i begin my exit while trying (mostly in vain) to avoid the many noisy, squeaky boards in her room on the way out. our windows are so old in this 100 year old building that one can hear everything – both inside and out … the other night when she had been screaming for a while, my neighbor texted me to tell me i was doing a great job, that i was a great mom and did i need any help … niiice.
as i was falling asleep the other night, the thought entered my head to find blue painter’s tape and make little ‘x’s on the spots of the floor boards that were most noisy – that way i could more easily navigate those tricky land mines that lay in wait, the only thing between me and an exhaled breath and freedom. at least for a bit.
damn. thats her again … set the counter back to zero.
two more buses. 14 mins.
i’m bent over in this painful position hovering over her crib as i shhh some more and the light from the other room is hitting me above the knee and i can see all the places i have not shaved in what looks to be a v. long time. shaving? what’s that? … i consider myself v. lucky to do a zip zip of the ole armpits when i take my 3 minute daily shower while singing ‘hello dolly’ to e. and poking my head out the door of the stall every 20 seconds or so so she knows i’m still there, especially now that she is in the ‘if-i-don’t-see-something/someone-it-does-not-exist’ phase … come on, sing it with me, ‘ i feel the room swaying, ’cause the band’s playing, one of your old favorite songs from way back when …..’ (the best is when i get to actually wash my hair – you don’t want to know how not often that is… – i have a whole routine when the soap is in my hair and i make it all different shapes and pop my head out of the shower door to make her laugh adding the asides, ‘hey look, there’s dolly’ and doing a verse sounding like i’m a trumpet or some other brass instrument … sorry -you’re just going to have to imagine this one, and if you know me, it should not be too much of a stretch to picture …)
okay. new tactic. i have taken the laptop into her room and am sitting on her pink, flufffy rug, typing with one hand while my other is stuck though the bars of her little babyprison and she is holding on to my little finger. maybe this will work … her breathing has slowed – thats good, right? i really hate typing with one hand. i did it a lot when she was little and i was glued to the same spot on the sofa for what seemed like hours on end feeding her and instead of being the kind of mother who basks in the moment of motherhood and relishes the silence, i saw it as a chance to catch up on email and to update my facebook status. niiice.
today she is wearing what my neighbor anna calls her ‘carrie bradshaw’ dress. i bought the girls (her daughter fanny is 18 months) similar dresses at target while i was home this summer and they are too cute. i can see what she means. she looks so grown up and her belly pushes out in the cutest baby way and i just want to eat her up. next thing you know, she’ll be wanting manolos … (number 37 way in which i am a terrible mother – i have already teased her that she will not be able to share shoes with me, as she has her father’s big flat feet. sorry kid. maybe when you’re 10…insert diabolical laughter here)
now the mail lady is putting the mail in the boxes right under one of her windows. it is a v. noisy job today. i’d better have lots of great mail for the amount of time and noise it is taking you today, little mail chick on a vespa. (update – while i did not dare venture out to get the mail while the monkey was sleeping, when i went out later, this is what i found: the latest new yoker … not that i have time to read it – i will put it on top of the ever-growing stack next to my bed – the latest wired mag – love this – i can sneak a little article here and there on the bus or tram but then the husband gets mad that its not in the loo where he likes it … (can i never win?) and here is the kicker … no bills today – surprise, surprise, but an envelope from SAG . yes, the Screen Actors Guild in NYC. I can now tell the difference (after many years) between the dues bill and the checks – this was most definitely a check. my guess was that it would be under $100 but over $40. right on one account. $10.23. really? did it not cost more than that to send it here? now, don’t get me wrong – i am not looking a gift horse in the mouth, just saying that, 1. i really miss the big – meaning over $800 – bad boys and 2. that will barely buy me an iced venti decaf latte over here … sheesh. but thank you, third watch and producers and the fab people who sold it over seas and to channels in america who air it at 3am, thank you really for the free $. really. i’m not kidding. $ is $, right? right.
so this kid slept through 5 more buses and was done. time to take my lousy $10.25 and go get some java. it’s gonna be a long day.
